I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
