She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
