It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
