My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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