Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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