She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
