I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
