very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
