You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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