i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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