He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
she woke up with a sticky ear
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
