Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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