Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
