Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
