There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
