It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
