I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
