Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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