A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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