Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
My vagina is very pro this idea
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
