I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
