I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
