I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
