you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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