I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
