I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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