He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
