I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
