Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
