guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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