She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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