we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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