I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
