This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
my being single is dangerous.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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