I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
