I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I pour the whiskey from now on
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
