What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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