I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Randomize
