You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You took a bar mat shot.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
