Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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