Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Randomize
