I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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