I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You ruined the universe
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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