My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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