is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
