what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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