fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
