Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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