McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
