i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
