I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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