Just took my morning after pill in the library
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
