I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i think i have two assholes
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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