Swine flu. Run for my life!
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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