I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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