do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
