I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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