Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Randomize
