therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
