I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
