I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
