Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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