just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
